Friday Wrap-up: The Unplugged Edition

March 20th is a pretty exciting day for me. It’s the first day of Spring – yay! My mum’s birthday – Happy Birthday Mum! and it’s also been declared National Day of Unplugging.  All of this technology is a blessing and a curse. We’re more connected than ever before but at what cost? Today’s Friday Wrap-up is dedicated to unplugging for a bit and reconnecting with the world around you.

How To Escape The Cubicle in Your Pocket – The title says it all. The author also has two great unplugging rules that I’m going to adopt for myself

A New (Old) Way to Create Calm in Your World – This post is all about instilling a Sabbath into your week. It’s an important concept whether you are religious or not

Help! Twitter is Ruining My Life – I’m sure a lot of you can identify with the cycle of tweet, refresh, tweet, facebook, check email, refresh twitter….

New Ways to Make A Difference – Different ways you can do your part to help out causes. This can give you something to do with all that free time you’ll have when you’re unplugged.

Have a lovely, unplugged weekend!

Until Next Time,

Nailah

On Dealing With Rejection

A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success. -Bo Bennett

Whether it’s at work or in your personal life, getting rejected sucks. No one likes to see their brilliant idea shot down or their proposal rejected or to just be flat out told ‘No.’ It blows. But there is also a lot to be learned from disappointment. And the sooner you’re able to pick yourself up after a set-back, the sooner you’ll be on your way to chasing down a new opportunity. Here are a few tips on dealing with disappointment.

1. Pout – You’ve just experienced some sort of set-back and it stinks. Take the time to wallow in self-pity a bit. Vent to your trusted friends, whine a bit about how unfair it is, get all of those “why me” feelings out of your system. But for just ONE day. You’re allowed to sulk and pout for one day (at most), after that move on.
2. Reflect – Once your day o’ pity is over, start thinking about why you were rejected. Look at it from the rejector’s point of view. What could you have done to make your proposal/idea/interview better? Learn from your missteps and correct them for the future
3. Look For New Opportunities – We all know the saying that when one door shuts, another window opens. Look for your window. Where’s your next opportunity. Is your open window not visible? What do you need to do to pry it open?
4. Don’t Take it To Heart – We’ll all face disappointment sometime in our lives. Don’t let it get to you by taking it personally. Once you reflect on the situation and put it all in perspective you’ll probably realize that the rejection will help you in some way or form.

Getting rejected is never fun, but it happens to the best of us. In fact, being able to properly deal with disappointment is what will help you be the best. Overall remember to maintain a positive attitude and never let a tiny little set-back take you off course from your goals.

How do you bounce back from rejection?

Until Next Time,

Nailah

Live in the Present & Enjoy Some Wasted Time

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it. -Jim Goodwin

I’ve been running myself ragged lately and it finally caught up with me this past weekend. I went into the weekend with a hefty to-do list. I was ready to tackle all of my tasks and vigorously cross each one off my list. But when I woke up on Saturday, I could not seem to get myself going. I lounged lazily around my living room trying to force myself to get going on my to-do’s until finally I gave up and started reading a book I’d been meaning to start. I’ll just read for an hour and then I’ll get back to being productive, I told myself. Fast forward to Sunday afternoon and I had spent the majority of the weekend reading (I finished one book and had made a solid dent in a second). I’d crossed nothing off my list and I felt seriously guilty for wasting my weekend. Until I came across a great quote on Yes and Yes blog:

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

It’s so easy to fall into a whirlwind of a schedule. Telling yourself that it’s ok because it’s “good to be busy.” But when we start focusing on just getting things done, we lose focus on what’s really important. We lose sight of the simple pleasures in life. It’s important to slow down and recommit to what is truly important to you. What have you been sacrificing to live at a frantic pace? Take a deep breath, slow your pace and enjoy some “wasted” time.

What’s your favorite way to waste time?

Until Next Time,

Nailah

How to Combat Your Fears

“The key to change… is to let go of fear.” –Roseanne Cash

I’m not a big fan of flying. Actually, I’ll be specific, I hate take-offs. In recent years, I’ve become so anxious about take-offs that I become quiet and skittish hours before a flight. If I have an early morning flight, I have trouble sleeping. If I have a flight in the evening, I can’t concentrate on simple tasks during the day. My fear of flying (or take-offs) is just like any other irrational fear, it’s been put in place as a protective mechanism of some sort. My sub-conscious reasons that by pumping out anxiety about take-offs, I’d probably hesitate to travel, keeping me safe and sound on the ground. But if I had listened to my sub-conscious I would have missed countless Christmases, weddings, adventures and graduations. Basically I would have missed out on life. While fears are often put in place to protect us in some way, it’s important that we figure out ways to confront the fear and move past it, if not we run the risk on missing out on life. Here are four tips for tackling your fears – whether they are big or small.

1. Identify your fear – in order to properly confront a fear, you have to first understand what it is and why it’s there. Do you constantly doubt your talents and feel you’re not good enough? Your fear of taking risks may be protecting you from rejection and failure. By not trying, you’ll never get rejected, right?
2. Prepare for the fear – a large part of my uneasiness about take-offs is the loss of control I feel. In order to combat this I prepare to the best of my abilities. I make sure I have my iPod and my books and my stuffed hippo, Tubbo (more on him later) ready to go. If you’re afraid of public speaking, make sure that you practice your speech and are prepared to field whatever questions may arise. Preparation takes away a lot of uncertainty and may ease some of your nerves.
3. Be realistic about your fear – I know that the odds of getting into a car accident are far greater than those of being in a plane crash. Ask yourself “what’s the worst that can happen?’ Usually, it’s nothing you can’t handle. If it helps think of the worst thing that can happen and then prepare for that. Now you have no real reason for the fear.
4. Comfort yourself about your fear – I travel with a stuffed hippo named Tubbo that I literally squeeze the stuffing out of during take-offs. It’s silly but it really helps in calming me down if my nerves get too frazzled. Learn how to soothe yourself when confronted with your fear. The sooner you learn to comfort yourself, the sooner you can move past the fear and start living life.

We all have fears so remember to be compassionate with yourself about your own. And like with anything, practice makes perfect. So practice confronting your fear. The more you stare your fear in the eye, the less scary it becomes.

I’m actually practicing confronting my own fear right now – I’m typing this post from 30,000 feet up as Tubbo rests peacefully in my lap.

Do you have any irrational fears? How do you practice moving past them?

Until Next Time,

Nailah

Overcome Burn-out and Stay Motivated

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” -Wayne Dyer

One of the things I enjoy most about being a life coach is helping others outline their goals and then watching as they achieve them. There’s no better feeling than setting out to accomplish something and then actually accomplishing it.  Earlier in the year I shared my goal setting process with you so I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing with your own goals. It’s March 1st, which means that 1/3 of our year has already gone by. I’m not telling you this to set you into a frenzy. There’s still plenty of time left to keep working on the goals you’ve set for yourself and make 2010 rock your socks.  If you’re truckin’ along, Great – That’s Awesome! But maybe you’re feeling a little stuck. It can be hard to stay motivated and not get burned out. Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you’re trying to achieve big goals.

1. Create & Track Milestones –  Working towards a large goal can be overwhelming and it can be easy to get frustrated and give up when you don’t think you’re moving the needle. Acknowledge when you make it to smaller milestones. If there aren’t any small milestones – make them up. If one of your goals is to run a marathon, start keeping track of when you successfully complete each mile.  Running 1 more mile each week sounds a lot more manageable than running 26.2 miles.
2. Stay Focused on Your Compelling Vision – It’s a lot easier to tackle tough goals if you know it all fits into your overarching compelling vision. What’s your big “why?” Losing 20 pounds doesn’t sound like fun but if you know that losing 20 pounds fits into your long term compelling vision of being healthy and feeling great about yourself, it makes it a bit easier.
3. Be Realistic – Make sure that your ultimate goal is realistic. Maybe the reason you are facing burn-out is because you are trying to achieve the impossible. Make sure you’ve set appropriate timelines for yourself.  Setting a way too aggressive goal for yourself does nothing but bring disappointment.
4. Give Yourself a Break – We’ve all done it – We set a goal up for ourselves that we’re so excited about, we never want to stop working on it. Make sure that you take a break from what you’re working on. Taking a step back from your project or goal from time to time will help you re-energize and you’ll feel much more refreshed when you pick it back up again.
5. Get A Buddy – If you are repeatedly getting stuck, reach out to others who may be working on similar goals. Creating an accountability group can help get you through you’re burn-out phase. It’ll also give you the added bonus of having a built-in cheering section.

Ultimately, when you’re feeling a bit unmotivated you just need to learn to power through. I’m hoping the above tips can help you get going again.

Feel free to let me know what you’re working on and what you’ve accomplished in the comments section. I promise that this will be a safe place for you to brag about all that you’ve achieved so far!

Until Next Time,

Nailah

Need some more help getting motivated? Here’s some additional reading on Goal-Setting, Procrastination, and Setting The Bar Too High

Friday Wrap-Up: The Self-Love & Productivity Edition

Hello,  Hello! I hope everyone’s week has been phenomenal and filled with beautiful experiences. Here’s a little link love to round out your Friday afternoon.

Kill Busywork: The One Skill To Focus On What Matters – Is your life filled with busywork? Learn how to nip that unproductive time in a bud.

Finish The Projects You Started – Do you have endless mounds of unfinished projects. Gretchen Rubin offers her advice on tying up those loose ends.

Link Love: 50 Articles You Should Read Right Now – Holy Moly – this is Link Lov-a-palooza! There’s enough articles here to keep you busy for awhile. They’re all focused on positivity and living a better life. Loves it!

How to be Unremarkably Average – Basic tips to living a risk-free, unremarkable and average life.  I loved this post as it uses humor to show how easy it is to just fall into a pattern of mediocrity.

Social Media Hierarchy – Funny breakdown of how the various social media tools rank in dating terms!

The One Deadly Sin of Changing a Habit – This post helped me get motivated when I didn’t want to do my run earlier this week.

100 Ways You Can Start Loving Yourself Right Now – A list of simple (and fun!) ways to start loving numero uno.

Have a beautiful weekend, peeps. I’ll see you on Monday!

Until Next Time,

Nailah

What Does Leadership Mean To You?

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. -John Quincy Adams

I had lunch with a former colleague the other day and when I asked him about how things were going at work he launched into a story about how his manager – who is very concerned with perceptions – has been reprimanding him for his out-spokenness. Apparently, the manager did not perceive voicing a dissenting opinion during a meeting as good leadership. Now I thought this was a major crock of BS. Being strong enough to share an unfavorable outlook is, in my opinion, a great leadership trait. But what really bothered me was that my friend was being forced into someone else’s idea of what leadership truly means.

I believe leadership is one of those terms that is bandied about quite loosely. Everywhere you turn you hear about which leadership qualities we should be working on and which leaders we should admire. However, I believe that leadership and how one defines it is a completely personal thing and can totally vary from person to person. By attempting to squeeze into a narrow “leadership” box, we’re trying to live up to someone else’s expectations. And we all know how I feel about living up to other people’s expectations.

Here’s an exercise. Get a blank piece of paper and bullet out what being a leader means to you. Does it mean only working on projects you find interesting and noble? Does it mean being an inspiration to others by following your heart? Does it mean always being honest and out-spoken? Or maybe it means always taking risks and being bold. Remember you don’t have to have a fancy job title and a company car to be a leader. There are probably at least 3 people right now who already think of you as a leader. Identify what leadership means for you and then harness it. Strive to perform your specific leadership qualities everyday. By being in touch with your true leadership qualities, you’ll be much better off than those who are simply trying to fit into someone else’s idea of leadership.

Until Next Time,

Nailah

How To Make The Best of Job You Can’t Stand

When people go to work, they shouldn’t have to leave their hearts at home. ~Betty Bender

There’s nothing worse than waking up every day and dragging yourself to a job you despise. But sometimes quitting isn’t an immediate option so we just have to suck it up and endure. Enjoying a crappy job (or any crappy situation for that matter) can be as easy as changing your perspective. Here are a few tips to learning to love (like? tolerate?) a not so fun job.

1. Change your perspective – It sounds cliché but having a negative attitude about something completely sets the tone for your entire experience. Set an intention to be happy every morning. It’ll be easier to let crummy situations roll off your back if you are in a genuine good mood.
2. Learn all that you can – I once worked for a corporation that was really poorly managed. Instead of letting it frustrate me I focused on what skill sets I could develop and what I could learn from that specific industry. Additionally, once it was time for me to launch my own business I knew exactly what not to do. Every situation has something to offer you, make sure you take advantage of all it has to offer.
3. Focus on what you do enjoy – There’s usually some task or aspect of a job that you truly do enjoy. Focus on that. Is there a way you can make that a bigger part of your responsibilities? Try and schedule the enjoyable aspect into every day. At least then when you are working on the boring tasks you can know that the fulfilling task is on its way.
4. Bring your passions to work – Sometimes you are able to bring an outside passion into you work life. Are you passionate about women in business? Maybe you can start a Women’s Leadership Group at work. Do you enjoy organizing events? Perhaps you can begin organizing the office birthday parties.
5. Be positive – Start focusing on what is good about your job instead of the bad. Again, reframing how you think about your work situation will do wonders in how you actually feel about it.

Now I’m in no way advocating you stay in a miserable situation forever but these tips can definitely make your job more bearable as you figure out where you’d like to transition

What do you think? How have you coped with a bad work situation in the past?

Until Next Time,

Nailah

Are you feeling stuck career-wise? Do you know you want to make a change but you’re not sure how or to what? Contact me [nblades@gmail.com] for information on my Career Coaching Packages.

Can Setting The Bar Too High Backfire?

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell

I was supposed to run 6 miles today. I ran 2 and a half. There were a number of variables working against me: It was hot as hell today, I had been feeling a bit under the weather and I hadn’t run since last Wednesday. Despite all of this, I pushed myself to run 6 miles instead of easing back into my running routine. This was a colossal fail on my part. I had to cut the run short and by the time I got back home I felt terrible. Physically I was dehydrated and over-heated. Mentally I felt defeated and discouraged.

I’m sure you can relate: I had set an unrealistic goal for myself and when I failed to achieve it, I was left feeling worthless. As 20-somethings we often push ourselves to set a lofty and ambitious goal – which is great – but we are unrealistic as to how we can accomplish these goals – not so great. Either we set a timeline that is far too aggressive or we are not prepared actually achieve the goal. Perhaps we lack education or experience or basic know-how. A lot of the time we simply lack patience. It’s easy to say that you want to own a home in the next 6 months, but if you don’t take the time to properly research your decision, you could be left feeling discouraged when it doesn’t pan out. Worse, you could be stuck with a payment you can’t afford because you didn’t prepare for meeting your goal. Don’t get me wrong, we should all be setting ambitious goals for ourselves. It helps to push us to our limits and allows us to accomplish things we never thought possible. But it is absolutely crucial to prepare ourselves sufficiently for what we are about to undertake. More importantly we need to be patient and realistic with our timelines.

So instead of feeling discouraged by my failed run this afternoon, I’m going to evaluate what went wrong and correct it so I can have a successful run tomorrow.

Until Next Time,

Nailah

How To Deflect a Deflator

“That’s my gift. I let that negativity roll off me like water off a duck’s back. If it’s not positive, I didn’t hear it. If you can overcome that, fights are easy.” -George Foreman

Do you have someone in your life who is a “deflator?” You know what I’m talking about – those people who when you tell them super exciting news, they pull out a pin and burst your bubble. It may go something like this:

You: Hey guess what – I’ve decided to write a novel! I’m so excited!

Deflator: Really? Man, there are so many people out there writing novels nowadays. It’s basically impossible to get published.

You: Oh. Umm.  I guess you’re right.

You’ve been deflated. All of the excitement and joy you had surrounding your idea or accomplishment has been sucked out of you. I’ve read lots of advice that you should just cut negative types of people out of your life but this can be easier said than done. I have a few deflators in my life and while their behavior can be draining and discouraging, they’re not terrible people. Instead of completely cutting them out of my life, I’ve changed my reaction to those who try to deflate me.

Simply develop a positive wall. You know that your accomplishment or your new idea is awesome. You know that you thought it through logically and realistically and that you deserve praise for it. Don’t allow someone else to tarnish that for you. Be prepared to deflect their negative comments. Dull their pin with your positive and confident spirit.

It can be difficult to not let deflators get you down. But it’s much easier to deflect their negativity than to take it on and let it consume you. It’s also helpful to surround yourself with a supportive network whose opinion you can trust. So the next time you run into a deflator just keep your head up, put up your positive wall and deflect away.

Until Next Time,

Nailah