Tag Archives: confidence

How To Deflect a Deflator

15 Feb

“That’s my gift. I let that negativity roll off me like water off a duck’s back. If it’s not positive, I didn’t hear it. If you can overcome that, fights are easy.” -George Foreman

Do you have someone in your life who is a “deflator?” You know what I’m talking about – those people who when you tell them super exciting news, they pull out a pin and burst your bubble. It may go something like this:

You: Hey guess what – I’ve decided to write a novel! I’m so excited!

Deflator: Really? Man, there are so many people out there writing novels nowadays. It’s basically impossible to get published.

You: Oh. Umm.  I guess you’re right.

You’ve been deflated. All of the excitement and joy you had surrounding your idea or accomplishment has been sucked out of you. I’ve read lots of advice that you should just cut negative types of people out of your life but this can be easier said than done. I have a few deflators in my life and while their behavior can be draining and discouraging, they’re not terrible people. Instead of completely cutting them out of my life, I’ve changed my reaction to those who try to deflate me.

Simply develop a positive wall. You know that your accomplishment or your new idea is awesome. You know that you thought it through logically and realistically and that you deserve praise for it. Don’t allow someone else to tarnish that for you. Be prepared to deflect their negative comments. Dull their pin with your positive and confident spirit.

It can be difficult to not let deflators get you down. But it’s much easier to deflect their negativity than to take it on and let it consume you. It’s also helpful to surround yourself with a supportive network whose opinion you can trust. So the next time you run into a deflator just keep your head up, put up your positive wall and deflect away.

Until Next Time,

Nailah

Banish Self Doubt and Unleash Your Awesomeness

1 Feb
I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time. -Anna Freud

One of the most interesting things I noticed about the Cindy Gallop article I posted last Friday was  the first question the interviewer posed:

Do you recall the first time, probably in retrospect, that you became aware of how unique and boldly creative you are as a person – were you a kid, a teen or an adult?

And Cindy’s response:
Well, that’s an extremely flattering question! To be honest, it’s really only been in the last 10 years or so that I’ve become aware that that is how other people perceive me. Like many other women, for many years my own estimation of and confidence in myself lagged far behind the way that other people saw me.
What struck me about this answer was that someone as creative and interesting and unique as Cindy Gallop could ever feel anything less than that. But we’ve all been there – we’ve all doubted our capabilities and our strengths. Self-doubt is human nature. But I’ve noticed that self-doubt is much more prevalent in my 20-something clients. Why is it that we beat ourselves up so much? Other people think we’re amazing, why shouldn’t we?
Here are my 5 tips for recognizing your awesomeness for what it is:
  1. Create An Affirmation – I’m a big believer in affirmations. We’ve all experienced negative self-talk and how quickly it can bore itself into our psyche. The same is true for positive affirmations or mantras. If you repeat something enough, you’ll soon believe it.
  2. Cut Yourself Some Slack – If you’re really honest with yourself, you’ll often find you’re being entirely too hard on yourself. We often hold ourselves up to impossible standards which is just stressful. Give yourself a break.
  3. Congratulate Yourself – The same way that we hold ourselves to impossible standards, we often don’t give ourselves credit when we accomplish something great. We just keep moving along to the next goal. Don’t be afraid to pat yourself on the back – it’ll help instill a sense of appreciation for who you are and what you’ve accomplished.
  4. Focus on the Positive – It’s so easy to focus on the negative in life. Instead of thinking about why you suck, think about why you’re absolutely phenomenal.
  5. Stay in the Present- We usually beat ourselves up about what we’re lacking in life. It’s much easier to complain about what you haven’t achieved than to concentrate on what you already have. Remember to stay in the present and enjoy where you are at right now.
We all have our own incredible essence to share with the world but we’re stifling it by doubting our abilities. Don’t sell yourself short. Be confident in who you are right now and share your bold uniqueness with the world.
Nailah
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